


I haven't asked for anything

by rather_be



Category: The Expanse (TV), The Expanse Series - James S. A. Corey
Genre: M/M, Slow Burn, maybe sex later gonna add a note then, probably romantic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-12
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-01 20:11:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6534727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rather_be/pseuds/rather_be
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Dawes ended up on Eros and the Rocinante too?<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> I really appreciate feedback or any kind of comments <3 have a nice day

\----

The other man's grip felt firm and warm. Miller leaned back a little trying to find a balance between the closeness of a handshake and his preferred distance to a stranger. "Anderson Dawes", the pocked man said. "Detective Miller", he nodded, not giving his forename to increase the space between them a bit more.

\----

The wall felt smooth and cool. Miller leaned his side against it a few seconds to steady himself. The weakness of his body was frustrating but not a surprise. After he nearly bled to death from the inside this feeling of fragility should be allowed, right? After leaving the sickbed for the first time this should have been expected. He noticed the others looking at him although he didn’t see much more than blurry shapes of different colors but their chattering had paused abruptly. He could grasp that they were all sitting around the dinner table of the Roci. It probably was afternoon and the conversations had sounded friendly on his way in. With every slow breath his vision became clearer. Holden was sitting at the centre and the first person he recognized. The man looked kinda concerned and way better than himself, Miller had to admit silentely. Next to him sat Naomi. Her brows were frowned in concern. Made her look angry at the same time. Miller froze. Looked to the floor and up again. Pressed his flat hand against the wall to feel something solid. _Dawes_. His thoughts were breathless and jumping. He had never expected to see him here. He would have been less shaken if Shaddid had sat there. And why was he thinking of their first meeting? He blinked a few times, the irritation on his face visible to everyone. It even took him several moments to notice the little girl sitting on Dawes' lap. Like this wouldn't be strange enough already.

"You okay?", Naomi attempted to rise from her place and come over to him. He waved her off. Slowly he approached the table. Gritted teeth accompanied every step. He dropped down onto the nearest chair. _Shit that hurt._ Alex offered some food. He gestured a no with his left hand, starring at the blank table before him. Holden offered some water which he gladly accepted. He pressed the small bag to his lips and sipped slowly. The conversations would be picked up again and Miller would feel less watched and more comfortable.  
    Amos laughed along the high and soft giggle of the girl, nearly drowning every other word in the room. _Was she Dawes' kid? No, she must be from Eros. Did the man have family?_ Naomi were talking with Alex about something ship related but he didn't care. He started to relax his shoulders. They sounded quite familiar with each other although there was a nuance of disharmony. Maybe due to recent events. No one would forget Eros any time soon... Or maybe his presence was interpreted as an intrusion. _When did they adopt Anderson and the child into their little family?_ The moment Alex rose and started to clear the table he finally raised his head. He glanced over and Dawes was looking at him. His smile soft. _Sympathy? Pity?_ Miller stared back. Wondering why those piercing eyes were even more unnerving than the times they had met on Ceres. Wondering if the reason was his current vulnerability. A rush of anger fluted through him. The emotion written clearly on his face for a second but the other man didn't even blink.

"Hey little pumpkin", Amos leaned down to pull the girl from Anderson's into his strong arms. Dawes got up, petted the girl gently, nodded at Amos and left the room with the rest of the crew. He gave Miller a short glance on his way out. Amos spinned around and throw the kid into the air. Making her squeak and chuckle. It amazed Miller how soft the big guy could be. Apparently all it needed was a child. He wondered if that would work on him too. Feeling like a voyeur made him leave the room quietly. He looked for a bunk and picked one close to the crew. Not sure where his place was on this ship but he was too tired to overthink his choice. He sank onto the bed and decided not to move for the next ten hours.

 

\----


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I understand when you don't agree with my character interpretation.. ^^ (What happened before on show and book is kinda mixed up in my head)
> 
> the whole fic is dedicated to sigurism btw <3 (I have no idea if anyone else is reading this :D)

\-----

He successfully managed to avoid everyone the next two days. He got up late, picked up some food long after the others had breakfast and spend the time in his bunk. The newsfeed running in the background like a horror movie you have seen too often to be scared anymore. Only Holden paid him a courtesy visit the first afternoon. The subtext of the conversation was: you won't kill yourself, will you? _Did he seem that broken?_ The man seemed geniously concerned which would have been touching if Miller had taken it personal. At least he got some information about the destination and last week events when they both had been knocked out. Apparently they were heading to Tycho station. Miller didn't know how to feel about that. But Holden seemed convinced that Fred Johnson was going to help finding the people who were responsible for this whole fucked up mess. Plus Dawes was in daily contact with the OPA leader. He was also trying to organize his people on Ceres which often left Amos and Naomi playing with Dani. _So, the pale little face had a name now._ She also was the reason they would still need a week to reach the station. No one wanted to strap a traumatised child to one of the couches for hours, so their travel speed was not - very - fast. Holden said even more but he could hardly remember hearing the captain's words. Miller had nodded mostly, unsure how to react to all those informations he didn't ask for. He only made a mental note to thank Naomi for checking on them when they were lying useless in the infirmary.  
  
\-----  
  
The way up to the galley was less painful with every day. A hooray for the modern medicine. But the feeling of being wrapped in cotton was almost addictive. He felt light - the head in the clouds, everything distant - and at the same time drained from a little voice at the back of his head that whispered: look over your shoulder! He ignored the voice as he entered the room which he had expected to be empty. Amos was standing by the counter. Dani was sitting on it next to him and watched the mechanic preparing food. Since they had noticed him it would have been too awkward to just leave again.  
"Hey", Miller immediately hated how shy this word came out. He definitely felt out of place but he could at least pretend to have every right to be here. "Look who is still among us!" Amos shot him a wide smile. A provocation. Obviously. Miller chose to ignore it. He wasn't sick of life no matter what the others were thinking. The detective started to make himself a cup of coffee when Amos' terminal chimed. It was Naomi who wanted the big man to take a look at something the belter didn't understand. _Space ships!_ He grunted displeased. Before Amos opened his mouth Miller had feared the next words: "Can you stay with her a moment? I have to check something."  
  
\-----  
  
Of course he said yes. He didn't want anything to explode. Although not every problem on a ship is life threatening, ke? He took the bowl Amos had prepared and brought it to the table where he took a seat and waited for Dani. The girl was standing two meters away by the cupboard, grabbing the handle, ready to hide herself anytime. Miller waited a bit longer and sighted. He picked up the bowl again and slowly stepped in front of her and lowered himself onto the floor.  
  
"This smells delicious", demonstrative he lifted the spoon. It was some kind of sweet porridge but the girl just looked at him. He studied her closely for the first time. Her hair was short and almost black. The shape of her eyes reminded him of Julie. His throat felt tight suddenly. Her skin was darker than his which wasn't hard. Only last week he had looked like a corpse. More green than red. He would have compared her skin with something out of the nature but he hadn't seen much of that on Ceres. He didn't know what a hazelnut looked like. The time he might have seen one on screen was forgotten. She looked terrified and he felt sorry. "Hey", he softly whispered. He offered her the bowl with a stretched arm. He wouldn't crowd her. She didn't react. "I will try a bite, ok?", he raised an eyebrow and waited a second before he raised the spoon to his lips. "Mmmh. Very sweet.. reminds me of the gummychums we tried to get as kids. They were quite expansive and you had to be careful when you wanted to ste.., I mean, get some. They'd color your tongue. Blue, green, pink, neon - but those were rare." Dani's body slightly leaned in his direction and he knew he was at least doing something right. "You could even try to mix 'em. Neon green and blue made the inside of your mouth look like a nebula." He smiled at that memory. "What's your favorite color?" She blinked a few times and pointed at his cup on the table. "Orange? Oh, that's really nice." He offered her the food again. This time she reached with her empty hand and careful grabbed it. She hesitate a second but let go of the cupboard and took the spoon. Soon her munching filled the room. This little victory felt good. Miller leaned back using his hands for support.  
  
When she had finished, she pushed the bowl, standing on her tiptoes, onto the counter. She turned around. A smear of food on her chin and lips. Suddenly her eyes went wide and her whole body rose with attention. "Papa", she cheered and started to rush past the detective on the floor. _Papa?_  
  
\-----  
  
Miller got up, straightened his back. Turned around. Raised his head. Dawes' smile widened with every step Dani hurried towards him. Otherwise his eyes and posture spoke of a unsatisfying long workday and it was only noon. The detective allowed himself to relax a bit and take a less aggressive stand. He looked almost sympathetic at the other man. Almost.  
"Thank you for watching her." Miller just nodded uninterested. _I didn't do that for you._ Too aware that they were alone in one room for the first time. Dani didn't count, her presence wouldn't save him from a private conversation. Dawes wrapped his arms around the small figure and picked her up. With his sleeve he whiped the porridge from her face. She actually looked too big to be carried around so often. Five, six years old, Miller would guess, but kids weren't really his strength.  
The two were ignoring him. Caught up in their closeness like a pair of survivors who were making sure the other one was okay. They all were survivors, he supposed.  
"What are you doing here?" Miller blurted after thinking the question again and again. "Checking on my girl", the older man shrugged with one hand, looking sheepishly  innocent. "I meant on the ship!" "I know", Dawes grinned because it was so easy to make the detective bark.  
  
"I was on Eros. I got there when it was already far too late. Fred -" Miller wondered if Dawes used the firstname to make a point "- had told me when Holden was on his way there. You left for Eros. Felt like something I should look into, personally. It was a -" Anderson tilted his head to one side like he was considering his choice of words "- happy coincidence when I met Naomi and the others. It wasn't very difficult to help finding a save way to the docks."  
  Yeah, Miller had imagined something like that. Dawes wasn't telling him anything new. Again. The withholding of information seemed to be a habit of that man. He pointed at Dani with his chin and raised an eyebrow. "A group of people crossed me. I tried to convince them to find a ship. They wanted to stay. Some people never have the right perspective, do they? Didn't mean I let them choose death for a child." Miller frowned. "So what? You just took her?!" It wasn't a question. Dawes abducted the girl and was right about doing so. He felt conflicted. Rubbed the back of his head. Looked at his feet. He had no right to pass any kind of sentence. Still he found his skin too tight.  
There was a minimal shift in volume when Dawes said, "You two looked like shit when you finally reached the hangar. Wasn't sure if you were going to make it in the first two days." Miller raised his head, studying the man's expression for a blink. "Like you care", his laughter sounded dry and humorless in the broad room. Dawes sighted frustrated before he replied coolly, "Miller... Why do we even talk when you refuse to trust my words?" He left him standing with these words echoing. Miller watched Anderson's back, grinding his teeth. The images in his mind were spinning. There were a lot of things he had wanted to say. A lot about Julie. Now he couldn't even focus on one word long enough to form a sentence. Not that he wanted to follow the other man anyway. His jaw began to hurt.

 

\-----


	3. Three - Dawes

\--------------

The chair by the desk invited Dawes to sit down. Dani was sleeping on their bed across the room. Her chest rose and fell. His heart ached. He wanted nothing more than keeping her safe the way, he had thought, he wanted to keep every Belter safe. He had spent all his energy to build a better life for his people. There had been no room for one person in particular. It wasn't like he had decided against having a family on purpose or that his sexual disinterest in women had been barring. It just happened. And he got old. And now this little creature stepped into his heart and turned his priorities upside down. Her power over him was dizzying. On the long run, it would have been easier not to help her. He could have ignored the group of people walking in the wrong direction. Not really. But it had been an option. But he refused to let that kid die on Eros. Maybe she had reminded him of his sister. Maybe he tried to make it up to Julie.

Miller reminded him more often than anything else of Julie. The regret heavy on his chest. Stealing his breath from time to time. He may have underestimated the horror the men of Pheobe station were willing to let lose. Before anyone knew what was happening, it had already been too late. Thousands of Belters dead. Nothing new. History just repeated itself. There wasn't any space to grieve for one special person. And he wasn't accepting any guilt. She had been clever and strong enough to make her own decisions. Besides, since the day he had decided not to kill himself he had very little room left for guilt.  
The time he had spent with Mao had been short but he had admired her and meant every word when he had said that he wished more of his people were like her. She had found the courage to turn her back on her father's traditions - one thing they had in common. _I will never beat a child._ The scars on his back stung flickering. The hard life of a rock-hopper didn't break him like his parents. He managed to build something up. He was a survivor and he will do anything to make the girl survive. He won't fail her. He failed his sister, Julie and in a sense he failed Miller too.

Miller. Dawes leaned back in the chair and rubbed his chin. Heading his thoughts in a more pleasant direction. He knew it had been a mistake to seek the other man out. He had realized that during their first conversation at the docks. Maybe earlier. A short glance and he had a picture in his head of the man that was hard to ignore. Yes, he had met people like him before. Cops. All sorts of them. Nevertheless, something about Miller had caught his attention. He had watched him closely while their first encounter. Hardly taking his eyes of that face. Turning every word of him in his mind. The man was attractive despite having the charm of a general who was shouting orders. Dawes liked Miller's blunt and direct words. Didn't make the man a good team player though.

He didn't try to deny his feelings. His interest in the detective was swamping near the surface but he was experienced enough not to act on it. Still he wasn't hundred percent sure in what way he was trying to manipulate Miller. A smart idea would be to stay away, but he enjoyed their little verbal exchanges too much. He welcomed the memories and fantasies that unfolded themselves to him. Letting go of the pressing worries and lost ones for a moment.

 

\-----------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if anyone is interested in more. Otherwise, I'll save me the trouble ^^   
> May today smile upon you.


End file.
